I’m writing this while tired, overworked and slightly overwhelmed. Bear with me.
These feelings directly relate to balancing a full-time job, teaching one art class a week and making artwork in my studio… while finding time to see my family, and connecting with my boyfriend and my friends. I’ve learned over the past three months that one can definitely wish for more hours in the day but that wish can not ever be granted. Why on earth am I trying to sleep for 7 hours when I could spend 3 of those hours painting or drawing? Oh wait, I need to be able to function as a healthy human being. This manic feeling happens weekly, when I realize I need a few more hours to paint or prepare to teach or to simply sit down, breathe and do NOTHING. Finding a moment to do nothing is what keeps me going these days. I usually find that moment between 6 AM and 7 AM, before I need to eat and get dressed for work. I also find that moment around 8 PM to 11 PM when I’m sitting in my studio alone reflecting on my oil paintings and works on paper. If I can, I paint during this time or I simply sit and appreciate my art.
Being able to make art is a passion and it is also a privilege.
I find sharing about my struggle as a working artist and a working professional to be cathartic and hopefully, if you’re reading this, relatable. I want more artists to share about this struggle. I want to sit in on more artists' talks or artist panels that don’t sugarcoat the struggle of balancing a full-time job and an art career. Because it’s NOT EASY. Making a living, paying my bills and student loans is important to me. I also love having healthcare. Working part-time or not at all isn’t something I can do, which a lot of artists seem to be able to do. I like having set hours and dental insurance. What I don’t like is not having the energy to paint after 6:30 PM on a Tuesday.
You can’t have it all, obviously.
That brings me to my steadfast lifeline. My sketchbook has become a lifeline of sorts over the past few years. I started aggressively making notes and weekly sketches while working at my previous job. If there was a moment of silence, a slow period or a lunch break, I made the effort to disappear into my mind and pour my thoughts and ideas out onto the page. It kept me focused, it kept me inspired and it kept me from breaking down (most of the time). My sketchbook is my best friend. It’s where my past lives and my present all at the same time. It’s an object that I carry, look back on and look forward to using. It’s my best advice to anyone who struggles to make art - during school, after school or in general.
As I sit here and decompress through my writing, I want to share images from my sketchbook. My sketchbook and looking at artworks in-person has kept me going these past three years, as I’ve struggled to know what to make art about or to even make something in general. If you’re in a long-term slump or frustrated this week about something that you’re working on, take some time to write or draw or to go see a gallery or museum show. It will help you, I promise.
Somedays are better than others. And that’s okay. Just keep at it.
